


i came alive first day that we met

by thisismelodrama



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cunnilingus, Demisexual Rey (Star Wars), Details on Fic Notes, Dirty Talk, F/M, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Idiots in Love, Internalized Acephobia, Misunderstandings, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Pining, Office Romance, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Tension, Unsafe Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Woman on Top, idiots to lovers, pls lmk if i missed a tag and i will add!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:28:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27121810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisismelodrama/pseuds/thisismelodrama
Summary: Rey has been pining after her co-worker Ben for months, but there's a problem: he has a girlfriend.Or so she thinks.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 82
Kudos: 467
Collections: Queerly Beloved Reylo Fics, Reylo Halloween Collection, Reylo Readers & Writers - The Spooktacular Collection





	1. you make my heartbeat work overtime

**Author's Note:**

> This idea popped in my head at the beginning of the month and I thought: why not? :D This one is also real special to me because I am also demisexual and I wanted to write something that resonated with me and my **own** experiences, and I know they aren't universal and that's perfectly fine. Your experiences and feelings are valid, however you identify with.
> 
>   
> This fic wouldn't be here without [Maddy](https://twitter.com/darthswift13) and [Meg](https://twitter.com/redbelles). You two are my favorite <3
> 
> Second chapter is coming on Monday and final chapter on the 31st! Let me know if you like this one in the best way: don't forget to leave kudos and comments <3

**TO: ALL**

<all.staff@resistanceenterprise.com>

**FROM: Amilyn Holdo**

<aholdo@resistanceenterprise.com>

 **Sent** : Monday, October 26, 2020, 8:15 AM

**SUBJECT: Halloween Party**

Good morning,

Thinking about harmony in our workplace, and hoping this unites our employees from both companies, I am excited to let you all know that our first Halloween Party after the merge with First Order Enterprise will be happening on the 30th, starting at 6 pm. Costumes are **mandatory.**

I can't wait to see how creative you all will be with your costumes and I hope we have lots of fun!

P.S.: Plus ones are welcome.

Until then,

Amilyn Holdo

🎃✨🎃

When Rey arrives at work that morning, she does everything she normally does: she takes off her blazer and puts it atop her chair, hides her feet into her cubicle so everyone doesn't see when she takes off her heels and turns her computer on. After a few minutes of waiting for it to turn on completely, the first thing she sees when she opens her email is Amilyn’s message. Rey reads it and heaves out a heavy sigh. Halloween has never been her thing. It's hard to feel excited about a holiday when you're a foster kid who never had cool costumes and couldn't go out trick or treat. All of her childhood, she saw people from school going to classes wearing costumes their parents bought or made for them and how excited they were to go trick-or-treating on Halloween while Rey had to wear her usual ratty clothes with no one to fend for her. And then she grew up and all of it didn't matter anymore. Although in college her friends used the holiday as an excuse to wear sexy outfits they didn't dare to wear in their daily life, nor would she wear them at these holiday parties she always had to endure.

Which, combined with great food and great booze, has always been _fine_. A different day at work.

This year, however, was… _Tricky_. (Pun intended.)

For a lot of reasons. Because she couldn't think of any costume she wanted to wear. Because, like the kids say on Twitter these days, the vibes in the office aren’t immaculate. (And yes, she had to give Amilyn some credit for trying to improve this. But still.) And mostly, because she has a stupid crush on Ben Solo, her coworker, who's taken, and she doesn't want to see him and his girlfriend at the party, her other coworker, being all lovey-dovey with each other. Although, she hardly could imagine Ben Solo—official office grump—being _lovey_ - _dovey._

Maybe she could… skip this one. She’s sure she can overcome this silly crush with just a little bit of time, so by the same time next year, Rey is positive she won’t even think about Ben as more than a coworker anymore.

Yeah, she should skip this one. She’ll send an email to Amilyn and try to lie her way out of this.

Glancing back at her computer, she notices Rose has sent her a new email.

**TO: Rey Johnson <reyjohnson@resistanceenterprise.com>**

**FROM: Rose Tico**

<rose_tico@resistanceenterprise.com>

 **Sent** : Monday, October 26, 2020, 8:31 AM

**SUBJECT: Halloween Party!!!!**

Hey babes,

Amilyn is _really_ trying to make everyone feel welcome here and that’s so nice of her. Of course, it would help if people from The Upside Down™ just accepted our offers of friendship and didn't act like they were better off without us 🙄

But alas, I LOVE Halloween and I'm manifesting that this will be fun!!!! I won't let them take this away from me. I'm already thinking of costume options. What about you?

P.S.: Let’s have lunch at Maz’s today?

Rose

* * *

One of the things Rey loves the most about Rose is how enthusiastic she always is about everything. Whenever Rey is in a mood, Rose can make her feel better instantly. However, not even her best friend’s overly cheerful personality can make her feel good about this upcoming party. She can’t quite shake the dread feeling that’s settled at the pit of her stomach.

And she can't even tell Rose _why._ Because Rey is so embarrassed about it all, really. She thinks this stupid, unrequited crush isn't worth mentioning to _anyone_.

So, Rey pretends everything is fine. As usual.

**TO: Rose Tico**

<rose_tico@resistanceenterprise.com>

**FROM: Rey Johnson**

<reyjohnson@resistanceenterprise.com>

 **Sent** : Monday, October 26, 2020, 8:38 AM

 **SUBJECT:** RE **:** Halloween Party!!!!

Hi babes,

A party sounds amazing right now!! And I agree with you. I think it's cool what Amilyn is doing and I can’t wait for Friday!  
  


No Halloween costume options for me, though. You know I suck at this.  
  


P.S: Lunch sounds amazing.  
  


P.P.S: What does The Upside Down™ mean?

Rey

* * *

After sending the email to Rose, Rey focuses on other unanswered messages she has in her inbox and thinking about what she should say to Amilyn when a _ding_ sound from her computer tells her she has a new DM on Slack.

> **Rose >**What do you mean you don't know what The Upside Down means?

  
Rey smiles before typing.

> **Rey > **I’m sorry, I am not familiar with the reference.
> 
> **Rose >**God, Rey, sometimes you sound just like Ben Solo.

  
Rey’s heart skips a beat at the mention of his name. Before she can say something, though, Rose goes on.

> **Rose >**It's a reference from _Stranger Things_ , a Netflix show. You should watch it!
> 
> **Rey >**Sure, maybe someday.
> 
> **Rose >**Hey, you can totally come to the party dressed as Eleven! And I can come as one of her friends… It would be fun if we watched!

  
Rey doesn't have the heart to tell Rose she doesn't think she’ll come to the party, but as her fingers hover on the keyboard to reply to her friend’s message, sitting on her cubicle, out of the corner of her eye, she sees Ben walking to the break room. And against her better judgment, she gets up from her chair and walks to the break room to talk to him.

Or maybe make a fool out of herself.

🎃✨🎃

Rey can pinpoint the exact moment the crush started. She knew Ben is Leia’s son and they were stranded for years, hence why he worked for First Order Enterprise. And then the merger happened, and Leia stepped out to retire and Amilyn took charge, and out of sudden, he was there, working as an IT engineer, and Rey’s life changed.

He barely talked and interacted with people; he was always working in the server room, only coming out when someone needed technical support. But Rey thinks that the truth is he’s aware that a lot of people who worked at Resistance know bits and pieces of what happened with him and his family, and that's why he has avoided everyone, except his former First Order Enterprise’s coworkers.

The first time he talked to Rey was six months ago, right in the first week after the merger happened. She needed help with her computer—so she messaged him on Slack. He promptly came and solved the problem: _“You just needed to update the software”_ , he said, not exactly the most romantic thing someone could fall over, but Rey felt hyper-aware of his… largeness. He was all broad shoulders and wide chest and angular lines on his face. His proximity made her inhale his cologne—something woodsy—and his powerful voice rumbled inside her chest. She blushed at her reaction, hoping he didn't notice anything. And then he looked at her for a second too long, and she thought his eyes were a beautiful shade of amber, a bit different from hers, but it could appear the same shade if looking at it too closely, and she was done for.

_That_ was when the crush started.

She didn't have a lot of experience with dating. A few flings in college, nothing too serious, and a few one night stands here or there, to satisfy a need she didn't really care about. Most of the time, sex was just something Rey felt _obligated_ to enjoy. Like if she didn't, it would be admitting there was something wrong with her, that there was a part of her that was truly _broken._

So, for a while, Rey wondered if something between them happened, if she would feel the same with him. However, every time they bumped into each other in the break room or left the office at the same time and shared a ride in the elevator, to her, it felt like the moments lingered, and often she found herself thinking about them and thinking about him. She decided to try and make small talk with him whenever they were in the same room, even though she often felt shy and embarrassed around him. It was like she forgot how to behave properly. She discovered his favorite movie was _The Truman Show_ and that his favorite book was _Brave New World_. She knew the kind of music he liked to listen to (indie rock, R&B, blues). She knew how he drank his coffee (black, no sugar). And in all these brief times they talked, every time he glanced at her, there was a warm, fuzzy feeling in her chest that made her tingle all over.

So, it was _different_.

Rey really had strong feelings for him.

It took her weeks to gather up the courage to ask him out on a date a month ago.

She waited for him to show up in the break room. He usually went there three times a day, but Rey had come in late that morning because of a doctor's appointment and missed his mid-morning coffee, so after lunch was the best time to talk to him, and it was certain they would be alone.

As she made the way to the break room that day, though, she noticed he wasn't alone. Gwen Phasma was there with him, laughing about something Rey didn't catch on. It was hard to simmer down the jealousy that spread inside her chest. The sight of him being carefree and laughing with someone when he always acted so sheepish around her made her heart tug uncomfortably.

And then, without entering the room and noticing they didn't notice her, she heard Phasma say, “Have a good rest of the day at work, _baby_.”

To which he replied:

“Thank you, _honey._ ”

She spun around in her heels and went back to her cubicle, and she ignored the lump in her throat all day long.

🎃✨🎃

Rey knows it's high time she moves on from this stupid crush. She replays that moment in the break room between Ben and Gwen so many times a day as if punishment to herself because she's not the least bit interested in having feelings for someone who's taken. And yet, every time she sees him, her heart skips a beat, her palms get sweaty and her thoughts are barely clear, just a bunch of fantasies hustled together, all of them involving being near him and hearing his beautiful, deep voice for more than a few hours per day.

_Get a grip_ , _Rey_ , she tells herself as she makes her way to the break room.

When she gets there, Ben has his back to the door, focused on the coffee machine making his coffee. He doesn't notice her entering in at first and she takes the opportunity to admire him from afar—something that’s par the course for her, actually. Like that, she can only marvel at his wide shoulders and his dark, luscious hair that falls in waves down to his neck. At night, sometimes she dreams of touching his fair, entangling her fingers in his mane, and finally finding out if it's as soft as it seems to be. Today, He's wearing a dark grey button-up shirt tucked inside black trousers that only accentuates his large thighs along with black shoes. Rey has noticed it, too, how much he likes monochromatic colors. It looks good on him, a contrast to his pale skin.

Ben turns around suddenly and notices her presence.

“Hey, Rey,” he says with a closed-mouth smile. “Didn’t see you there. How are you? Had fun over the weekend?”

“Hi, Ben, I—um, just came to get coffee,” she says with a nervous smile, walking towards him and the coffee machine. He steps aside a little to give her space and it’s amusing how small she looks beside him.

Of course, he would have a tall girlfriend just like him.

There's a moment of shared looks between them, but at the reminder of Ben’s _girlfriend_ , her expression falls. He notes the change in her expression, though, and frowns at her for just a second.

_Oh, great,_ Rey thinks, _I’ve made a fool out of myself again, as expected._

_Bollocks_.

Ben clears his throat, and she stops berating herself for a moment to gaze up at him. He lifts the mug he's holding up to her and gives her another closed-mouth smile. “Well, I’m going back to work. See you around.”

He strolls out of the room before she even has the chance to reply.

She sighs. “Yeah, see you around,” she says to no one.

🎃✨🎃

Rey focuses all of her energy on forgetting what happened in the break room for her own sake. Indeed, Ben had always been nice and polite to her, often engaging with her attempts at small talk. She bets he wouldn't mind if she suddenly stopped trying because it's getting clearer to her that he does it out of cordiality to a coworker. And that’s good because she needs a wake-up call. After going back to her cubicle and surprisingly getting stuff done, and worrying about whether she should or not send a message to Amilyn about the Halloween party, she decides she will. And then, Rey ponders on what she should write on her message to Amilyn. Perhaps she's exaggerating, doing all of this just to skip a work party. But the thought of seeing Ben in a more stripped-down environment with Gwen makes her stomach drop.

Even so, she can’t have any plausible motive to skip the party, especially because she went to the other two in the previous years that she’s worked for Resistance Enterprise.

Oh, well. Might as well just tell the truth, then.

Or… portions of the truth.

She starts to type.

**TO: Amilyn Holdo <aholdo@resistanceenterprise.com>**

**FROM: Rey Johnson**

<reyjohnson@resistanceenterprise.com>

 **Sent** : Monday, October 26, 2020, 12: 45 PM

**SUBJECT: Halloween Party**

Hi, Amilyn,

I was just wondering if it would be okay for me to skip the office’s Halloween party this year. The holiday isn't really my thing since I was a child and I never know what to wear as a costume.

Let me know, please.

Rey Johnson

* * *

Not even five minutes later, Rey receives her reply.

**TO: Rey Johnson**

<reyjohnson@resistanceenterprise.com>

**FROM: Amilyn Holdo <aholdo@resistanceenterprise.com>**

**Sent** : Monday, October 26, 2020, 12: 49 PM

 **SUBJECT:** RE: **Halloween Party**

Hi, Rey.

I am afraid to tell you employees' attendance is **mandatory.  
  
**

It’s been stressful six months and I know we’re all still on the edge, so I would really appreciate everyone’s cooperation to make this party something fun for all of us.

About not knowing what to wear as a costume: I completely trust your creativity.

Amilyn Holdo

* * *

She stares at the computer screen for a long while before heaving out a sigh of defeat.

Oh well, at least she tried.

Snatching her wallet and car keys, she leaves her cubicle and heads to the lobby to wait for Rose for lunch.

When they come back from lunch, there's another email from Amilyn sent to all staff, advertising that the employees’ attendance at the party is mandatory.

> **Rose > **Ha, as if we would miss it!
> 
> **Rose >**Right?
> 
> **Rey >**Right.

🎃✨🎃

Rey waits for the elevator to come up to her floor when she glimpses Ben coming from the corridor in the same direction. The door opens and she goes in, silently praying he misses this ride. The last thing she wants at the moment is to share a twenty-five floor awkward ride with him, having nothing to say and having to deal with the uncomfortable silence.

When the door starts to close and Rey lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding, Ben puts his arm in the middle and prevents it from closing on him. He steps in the elevator with a smile tugging at his lips that immediately dies when he sees Rey.

Her heart sinks. As if she didn't need more reminders that she should bury this crush for good.

“Hey,” he says, his gaze on his feet, stepping and leaning on the back, keeping a distance from her.

“Hey,” she shoots back, her gaze fixed on the buttons of the elevator in front of her.

24th floor.

23rd floor.

22nd floor.

The silence overwhelms her. There's something about being alone with him that makes her want to keep babbling whatever nonsense she has in her mind at the moment, just so she could hear his voice, which at the moment is:

“Have you seen _Stranger Things_?” she asks, voice trembling with nervousness. He turns his head at her, something she can’t quite decipher flicking on his expression. It’s harder for her to stop her rambling when he looks at her like this. “I heard good things about it. Mostly from Rose. And I was wondering, um, if you've seen it. The show. It's on Netflix, I think, and—” _God, shut up, Rey._

She closes her mouth abruptly, letting out a nervous laugh.

“No, I haven't seen it yet,” Ben says softly, looking at her with a smile.

She wonders if one day she'll see his full-toothed smile. For an instant, Rey forgets herself and just keeps _staring_ at him. And he notices it.

He steps closer and her feet move on its own accord, towards him.

It’s involuntary.

Perhaps there's something about him that will always tempt her to be closer.

“Rey?”

“Yes?”

She gazes up at him. He lets out an exhale, his fresh breath warming her face.

Boring his eyes into her, he says, “Do you think that we—”

Suddenly, his phone starts to ring.

“ _Shit_ ,” Ben curses. Fishing out his phone out of his trousers pocket, he eyes the screen. “Sorry, I gotta take this one. _Hey, Gwen, I’m on my way_ —”

It’s like someone just dropped a bucket of ice on top of her head. Because he has a _girlfriend_ and what the fuck is she doing being such an idiot—

Rey feels a fiery rage coursing through her body. At herself. At him. It's irrational to react this way, deep down she knows, but she can't help it. She steps back away from him, while he's still on the call, and he looks at her with the same frown he had on earlier in the break room.

Well, fuck him and his stupid frowns and stupid hair and stupid body and stupid voice.

The elevator dings, indicating they're finally on the first floor.

It's not an exaggeration to say she almost races out of there, without looking back.

She thinks she's heard him call her name, but even if he did, it doesn't really matter, because he has someone else waiting for him, and she needs to stay far away. To protect herself.

To protect her heart.


	2. i know what everybody’s talking 'bout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so much for the warm welcome for this story! I hope y'all like this chapter, too, so please let me know <3  
> This fic wouldn't be here without [Maddy](https://twitter.com/darthswift13) and [Meg](https://twitter.com/redbelles). You two are my favorite <3
> 
>   
> P.S: I added the tag "internalized acephobia" because of how Rey feels on her feelings about sex, a lot of her inner conflicts are described in details, so **proceed with caution**. And I just wanted to remind y'all that I tried to write about my **own** experiences as demi, and I know they aren't universal and that's perfectly fine. Your experiences and feelings are valid, however you identify with. <3

The rest of the week passes swimmingly. And to Rey’s utmost delight, she manages to avoid the break room during the periods she knows Ben will be there.

Of course, she misses him.

But that’s beside the point.

Because Rey is nothing if not determined, and she _will_ get over him.

Trying to stay away from him is so demanding that it leaves her mind an awful mess, although it doesn't really register to her until she comes into work that morning and notices her mistake while she strides to her cubicle.

It’s Halloween.

And everyone is wearing precisely _not_ their usual work clothes, and Rey is wearing precisely the type of clothes she wears everyday.

_Fuck_.

She sits down on her chair and powers on her computer. Chewing on her lip, she waits for it to load anxiously.

_Fuck._

Amilyn will think she's being purposefully insubordinate, after that email she sent her at the beginning of the week. Rey _really_ likes her job here—and although she hardly thinks Amilyn would fire her for this mishap, it's not a good look. She doesn't like to be unprofessional. And the thought of disappointing and making Amilyn—who took a chance on her when she first started interning at the company—thinking she doesn't respect her authority makes Rey’s stomach turn queasily.

God, she barely started her workday and she's already fucking it all up, anxiously waiting for it to be over already.

The computer comes to life and Rey immediately opens Slack to send Rose a cry for help.  
  
  


> **Rey > **Rose!  
>   
> 

She waits for a minute. Then two. And sends another message:

> **Rey > **ROSIE!

Nothing.  
  


On all of the days Rose could ignore her, it had to be _today._

> **Rey > **Rose please be there I need your help

  
A second later, her reply comes through.

> **Rose > **Hey babes, what's up?  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rey > **Okay so  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rey > **I forgot today is Halloween  
>   
>   
>  **Rey > **And I came in wearing normal clothes  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose > **Oh shit  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose > **How could you forget Halloween, Rey?!  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose > **It’s _HALLOWEEN!_

This has gone on for too long. Rey needs to come clean to her best friend.  
  
  


> **Rey > **To be honest, I don’t really care much about Halloween  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rey > **Please don’t kill me  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose** > I am OUTRAGED. I wish you could see me gasping right now!  
>   
> 

Rey rolls her eyes. Rose is so dramatic sometimes.  
  
  


> **Rey >** Anyway…  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rey > **Please help me?  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose > **Yeah fine, Halloween hater  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose > **What are you wearing?  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose > **Omg this sounds so sexual lmao  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rey >** What does it have to do with anything?  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose > **Just tell me, Rey  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rey > **Hmm okay… I am wearing a grey-ish pencil skirt and a pink button-up shirt and flats  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose >** Omg yes I know what could work!!!  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rey > **Oh really?  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose >** You could totally tell everyone you’re Pamfrom _The Office_. I’m gonna lend you my pink cardigan and go over there at lunch to help you to do something with your hair and it’s sorted out!  
>   
>   
> 

Rey lets out a sigh she’s been holding inside. Relieved, she’s never felt more grateful for Rose, even though she has no idea who Pam is. She asks Rose:  
  
  


> **Rey >** Who?  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose > **Oh god, Rey, every time you don’t pick up my pop culture references I die a little inside  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rey >** Sorry, babe  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rose > **We’re gonna educate you ASAP!!! Anyway, gotta get back to work, see you later xx  
>   
> 
> 
> **Rey >** Bye xx

🎃✨🎃

When the time for the party comes, Rey has to practically drag her feet out of her cubicle and walk to the conference room. Everyone she meets in the way seems to be buzzing with excitement for the party, and she wishes she felt the same. She can’t ignore the anxiety that settles at the pit of her stomach when she remembers it’ll be harder to avoid Ben tonight, and the thought that maybe she’ll see him in a new light, outside of their professional setting makes her even more apprehensive.

Will it make it harder for her to get over him?

Rey crosses the door of the conference room and she’s immediately surprised by the party’s decorations. Everything is either black or orange or both. There’s a huge table in the middle of the room with food and drinks and a bunch of pumpkin and skull miniatures between the plates. Giant spider webs hang from the ceiling all across the room, with black and orange balloons weaved in between them. The light in the room is dimmed, giving the party an air of spookiness she finds endearing. There’s a song she doesn’t recognize playing low in the background, and a lot of coworkers from other departments she’s never seen before.

Of course, the first person her eyes stray to with interest is Ben. She supposes it’s an effect of having feelings for someone, the fact that she always seems to look for him everywhere, even if she's supposed not to.

Oh well.

What catches her attention is that he doesn’t seem to be wearing any costume. He’s simply wearing a white button-up shirt with a black tie and black trousers. There’s a nametag on his shirt that she can’t read from where she’s standing.

And then Poe comes to her and sizes her up from head to toe. Rey likes Poe. She’s had drinks with him, Finn—his boyfriend—and Rose sometimes and they’re fun to hang out with, although sometimes Rey thinks Poe’s just a little bit too much for her to handle.

“Cute costume, dude,” he laughs. “I can’t believe Solo got someone to come wearing a couples costume with him.”

“Thank you, Poe,” she replies, and only a second later it registers what he’s said. She frowns. “ _What_?”

That’s the exact moment Rose strolls in her direction with a grimace on her face.

“Move, little shit,” Rose mutters to Poe, not unkindly. That’s just how she is with him and Finn. “I need to talk to Rey.”

Rose grabs Rey by the elbow and walks away from him. She drags Rey to the left corner of the room and opens her mouth, but before she has the chance to say anything, Enfys appears by their side. With a mischievous grin, she glances at Rey and murmurs, “Had no idea you and Solo were together, Rey. You guys hide your thing pretty well.”

There’s a moment that Rey thinks she didn’t hear it right. But then Enfys’ words finally win meaning in her mind, proving to herself that she definitely heard it right. It’s so _absurd_ it’s difficult for Rey to even _deny_ it, which is exactly what she should do. But it seems like her mouth isn’t working. She opens it once, twice in disbelief and the words don’t come out. By the look on Enfys’ face, it’s clear she assumes Rey’s silence as confirmation.

Rose clutches her elbow once again, trying to get her attention. “Yeah, about that…” she chuckles nervously.

“ _What is going on_?” Rey hisses.

Rose makes a face. “See, I was telling everyone how cute you looked as Pam, and it turns out Ben came as Jim.”

“Who?!”

Rose lets out an exasperated sigh. “God, I can’t believe it, you’re exactly like a boomer sometimes... Jim is in love with Pam in the show and they're so _cute,_ god, I ship them so much—” Rey narrows her eyes at her and Rose continues, “Sorry, not the point, _I know_. Anyway, gossip spreads like wildfire here and now everyone thinks you and Ben came wearing a couple costume on purpose because you two have been secretly dating for months.”

_What the fuck?_

“Oh my god, Rose,” she shrieks. “Oh my god!”

Rey wants the floor to swallow her whole. She wants to be transported to another timeline, one where her coworkers don't think she's dating the man she's been secretly pining over for months now, the man who's taken.

She wants the universe to cease to exist.

None of these things happen, though. She’s still living this humiliating nightmare.

“It’s fine,” Rose tells her reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Rey, it's not like Ben is going to—”

Since Rey has her eyes focused on her best friend, she watches as Rose suddenly closes her mouth and her eyes wander over her head, to something behind them.

Rey sighs, defeated. She whispers, “He’s behind me, isn’t he?”

Rose grimaces and nods. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Rey repeats what Rose said, but it’s more to calm herself down than anything.

Ben finally approaches them, hands in his pockets. Rey peeks at him from her peripheral and her heart skips a beat, to her absolute irritation. It's so _unfair_ that he’s always his stupid tall self and that he's so handsome and—

“Can I talk to you, Rey?”

“I’m gonna go annoy Poe and Finn over there, babes,” Rose tells her, giving them a moment. “See you, Ben.”

Ben nods in acknowledgment at Rose but his eyes remain focused on Rey. She silently thanks that the lights in the room won’t let him see how her cheeks redden under the weight of his gaze.

An awkward silence stretches between them. Rey ponders on what to say, and she's embarrassed about the whole mix up, but the truth is she's scared of opening her mouth and blurting out the truth. She's scared to spew out words that will be a bunch of polite lies and that that will break her heart a little bit more. She's scared of how much she likes this fantasy—she’s _mortified_ , yes, because everyone is talking about her, about _them_ , and she’d rather not be perceived, thank you very much. But she's not mortified because people think she's dating him.

If it were the truth, she would never be embarrassed by him.

Nevertheless, she starts to apologize, “I am sorry, I don’t know why people are thinking—”

But Ben interrupts her. “Look, I think we need to—”

Rey shuts her mouth. “You go first.”

He chuckles, and she realizes just then how much she missed that sound.

God, she's terribly fucked, isn't she? She will never get over him.

“No, no, you go first.”

She swallows thickly. “Look, Ben, I am sorry people assumed that we’re together, I’m sure—” Her eyes scan across the room, and finds Gwen staring at them with a… _smile_ on her face. _Weird_. Maybe she's trying to be friendly about all of this. Rey takes a deep breath. “I’m sure your girlfriend hates it and I’m _really_ sorry—”

“Excuse me, my _what?_ ”

Rey didn't even realize he asked her a question before she gazes up at him and finds him staring at her with a frown on his face. “What?”

He repeats slowly. “My what?”

“Mmm.” Maybe he didn't hear what she said because of the music. Rey really hates repeating it, just because the word itself tears her insides, but she braves it anyway. “Your girlfriend.”

Now, Rey knows she can't expect anything beyond him admitting that _yes_ , _my girlfriend hates that people think we're together_. And that's precisely why she's dumbfounded when he _laughs_.

Mouth agape, Rey feels slightly irritated with his mocking, otherwise forgetting how he missed the sound of his laugh a moment ago. She can't help but let her annoyance seep into her words, “What’s so funny?”

“Rey, I haven't had a girlfriend in… I dunno, _years_.” He shrugs. “Unless we’re counting you.”

_What in the world?_

“I—what—”

He winces. “Sorry. Bad joke. I wanted to—to make things not so awkward, because I— _anyway_ , I'm sorry, Rey.”

With just a few words, her entire world shifts. She sees him in a new light, somehow and she can’t believe he isn't taken. It's so disconcerting she doesn't even know what to say. They stare at each other for what seems like an eternity. The air between them seems heavy with something she can't quite place; her heart gallops against her ribcage.

Ben takes a step back.

Perhaps there's nothing between them and she's only imagining things out of the wishes of her own heart.

But he _did_ say he doesn't have a girlfriend. He's not as unattainable as she thought he was a few minutes ago. And yeah, maybe he only sees her as a coworker, but she'll never _truly_ know until she tries. So, before he can step away further, Rey catches his wrist. Looking at him with pleading eyes, she insists, “You said you wanted to talk to me. What is it?”

She doesn't free her hold on him. He glances down at her hand on his wrist and then glances back at her.

“Yes,” he says hoarsely. “But—but not here. Meet me in the break room?”

His gaze is so intense it makes her shiver.

“Yes.”

He nods to himself.

And then she reluctantly lets go of him.

He strolls towards the door but turns around for a second to peek at her as if he's skeptical that she will still be there. She holds his gaze steadily and tilts her head.

He’s out of the room in the blink of an eye.

Only then Rey realizes their coworkers will notice if they leave the party together and will only add fuel to the rumors, but she couldn't care less.

🎃 ✨ 🎃

The walk from the conference and break rooms is a blur to Rey’s mind. She only remembers the feel of her sweaty palms against her skirt in an attempt to dry them out and the fading music coming from the party in contrast to the rhythmic beating of her heart.

Ben is leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest when she enters the break room. He’s… _b_ _ig_. There's something so strong about his presence that she doesn't know how to deal with it. His gaze locks up with hers and she exhales deeply. She’s overwhelmed by her decision to say she likes him, so she leans against the door, just to have something behind her back to keep her upright.

She just doesn't know what to say, exactly. _I like you_ appear to have an enormous weight at the moment, refusing to be uttered by her mouth.

_Dear, handsome,_ _sweet_ Ben, helps her a little.

“So, coordinating costumes, huh?”

She chuckles nervously. “To be fair, this is all Rose’s fault. I didn't even watch the show, I had no idea you—”

“Really? You haven't?”

She shakes her head.

Ben nods. “We need to change that.”

She blinks. “We?”

He clears his throat and stares at her. “I mean, if you want to, we can—”

She doesn't even let him finish. “Yes!” _Wow, tone it down, Rey._ “I mean, yes, I want to.”

And then Ben Solo does something he's never done: he gives her a full, wide smile, crooked teeth and all.

He’s so handsome Rey almost melts on the spot.

She tries hard to stay on topic, however, scared to find this whole conversation is just a figment of her imagination. “Was that all you wanted to talk about? Our coordinating costumes?”

He crosses the room in three-wide steps and suddenly he's right there in front of her, keeping a small distance between them. He's still so close, though, she has to tilt her head up to peer at him.

“No,” he replies. His eyes flicker to her lips for a second before reaching up to her eyes. “Why did you think I was dating Phasma, Rey?”

A blush spreads on her cheeks. She has to tell him she overheard his conversation—something she didn't even hear right. She's so ashamed she might cry.

Ben seems to sense her uneasiness. His hand comes up to reach for her cheek but it stops mid-air like he's apprehensive of touching her. His eyes look like they're asking what his mouth can’t. She nods her assent almost imperceptibly, and then his hand touches her cheek. She leans into it instinctively, shocked by how such a strong, big hand can leave such a soft touch.

“I heard you two calling each other _baby_ and _honey_ right here, a month ago. I thought—and then she called you when we were in the elevator the other day and I just—”

He places his other hand on her other cheek and cups her face, lifting her chin for her to meet his gaze. “Is this why you were avoiding me?”

She _could_ deny it. But he holds her gaze steady, his eyes brimming with emotion, and she knows she shouldn’t lie. “Yeah, I—I needed to get over you.”

Ben exhales a shaky breath. “Rey, I was trying to—I mean, I always wanted to—”

She holds his hands like they’re her lifeline. “What? You wanted what, Ben?”

He leans in even closer and when he asks, “May I show you?”, she feels his warm breath on her cheeks.

“Yes,” she replies breathlessly.

And closes her eyes.

His lips are on hers in a second, just a touch of it at first. They're full and soft and Rey always wondered how it would feel if he kissed her, and now it's happening. He angles his head to the side and his tongue darts out to lick her bottom lip and she _whimpers._ Before she obsesses over being embarrassed by making sounds, she opens her mouth instinctively and his tongue dives in, brushing against hers. And then Ben really, truly _kisses_ her. If Rey thought he was doing it before, she's _oh_ so wrong. His tongue licks inside her mouth and does things that make almost inhuman sounds come out of her mouth. She reaches her hands up to his neck, fingers clasping tightly on his hair. One of his hands travels down her body and stops at her waist, bringing her impossibly closer while the other comes to her nape, tilting her head just _right_ , kissing her deeper, tasting her. He groans against her lip and she moans into the kiss, helplessly and wholly surrendered to him.

They break the kiss for air.

Gasping, she still clings to his neck, his lips following hers. It's like he can’t stop tasting her. He drops soft kisses all over her face, his lips trailing down to her jaw, neck, collarbone. His hands roam over her body in a careful, almost chaste way, as if he’s afraid of disrespecting her boundaries. But for the first time in a while, Rey feels wetness pooling between her legs, a clear sign that she's so into him, into _this_ , she wants more.

_Now_.

She feels dizzy with it: her hunger for him.

“Ben,” she breathes out. He nibbles on her jaw and then soothes the sting with his tongue right after, and her knees all but give way under her. “Ben, do you want—”

“I want anything with you, Rey, anything you want to give me,” he murmurs against her neck rather desperately.

“I want— _oh_ —I want you to take me home.”

He lifts his head from the spot where he was nipping at her neck to glance at her. His Adam’s apple bobs with a heavy swallow and then he utters, “Are you sure? You don't have to—I don't wanna pressure you if you're not—”

She raises her hand to his cheek and he kisses her palm. Smiling, heart close to bursting, she tells him, “I’m sure.”


	3. don't be surprised if this is the best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say besides: they fuck.  
> 
> 
> Happy Halloween 👻 Thanks for coming alone on this ride with me!
> 
> This fic wouldn't be here without [Maddy](https://twitter.com/darthswift13) and [Meg](https://twitter.com/redbelles). You two are my favorite <3

Briefly, Rey feels slightly nervous about him seeing her apartment, even more so her bedroom. Her living room isn’t tidy, she's sure there are still dishes in the kitchen’s sink and there are clothes scattered around the floor of her bedroom. But when the key turns in the doorknob and she opens the door, Ben almost ushers her in, picking her up in his arms and kicking the door shut. His reaction to her is a pleasant surprise. She locks her legs around his waist, and let his lips slant over hers in a kiss that leaves her a breathless mess.

Ben carries Rey through her small apartment with ease, almost as if he knows it by heart, taking her to her bedroom next. Getting there, he turns around and sits on her bed with her still perched on his lap. She seizes the opportunity to kiss and kiss him, enjoying the little sighs and grunts he makes when she does something he likes. His hands are closed around her waist, gripping her tightly against him. She can feel how hard and thick he is; she gulps and it's involuntary, the roll of her hips against his cock. He groans loudly, bringing her even closer, and she does it again: the friction eliciting delicious ripples of pleasure straight to her cunt.

“Rey,” he murmurs against her lips. “If you keep doing that, this will be over soon.”

She giggles, the notion of making him unravel just as pleasant as the pleasure itself.

He pinches her ass in retaliation and she yelps.

It’s when she runs her hands across his chest that it dawns on her how foreign all of this is for her: how she wants to feel her skin against his, how she wants for him to kiss every inch of her body, how she wants to find out how it feels to have all of him buried deep inside her. But amid her newfound horniness, she forgot she should at least talk to him about sex and how she feels about it, and even though she _really_ wants to have sex with him tonight, she's not unaware of the fact that she only wants it because she possesses strong feelings for him.

His mouth is on her earlobe when she asks him to stop, and he does so immediately.

“What’s wrong?” his gaze is nervous upon hers. “If you changed your mind, it’s okay, we don’t need to do anything you don't want—”

“I haven't changed my mind,” she tells him sincerely. “I just—I need to tell you something first.”

“Okay,” he nods. “What is it?”

Ben gazes at her so intently, so earnestly she can't help but avert her eyes—she remembers all the others times she tried to put her feelings into words and say aloud how she felt about sex, and how she restrained herself because of the fear of being stared at was a hard pill to swallow. She’s not exactly scared now, because Ben makes her feel secure and wanted.

And yet, old habits are hard to get rid of.

And it's so difficult to describe in words to someone else exactly how she feels. Is it true that every time she had sex she didn't enjoy it? No. Is it true she felt attracted to any of the people she's slept with? No. Is it true she always felt like something was missing, that there was something really fucked up with her, that she was _broken_ beyond repair? _Yes_.

That's why she stopped trying.

But she doesn't feel any of that right now. Her sexual attraction for Ben exists _because_ of her emotional connection with him, of that she's sure.

That’s what makes her brave through and glance back at him.

She takes a deep breath and begins, “Before I met you, I didn't really enjoy having sex. I went on several dates and it just… it didn't feel right, it felt like I was out of my body and did everything automatically.”

“Rey, we don't need to have sex tonight,” he tells her _oh_ so softly. “Or ever. I don't—if it's not something you like to do, I won't—”

“ _T_ _hat’s_ the point, Ben,” she explains. “It’s different, how I feel when I’m with you. And that’s why I want you to know that this night means _a lot_ to me and it’ll be way more than _just_ sex. I—I really like you, Ben. I’ve probably liked you ever since you fixed my computer months ago. So I hope this won’t be a one-time thing for you.”

Ben doesn't say anything.

Instead, he surprises her with a kiss that takes her breath away.

“I don't want this to be a one-time thing, either,” he mutters when he breaks the kiss. “I’m _crazy_ about you, Rey. I’ve been trying to ask you out for so long and yet you kept running away from me and thinking I’ve been dating another coworker when the only coworker I wanted to date is you.”

She smiles widely at him. “Really?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“I’m sorry I overheard your conversation and thought you were dating Phasma.”

He grins mischievously. “She’s gonna _love_ this story.”

She feigns a gasp. “You wouldn't dare!”

“Ah, yes, Miss Johnson, I definitely would.”

“Okay, so I guess you should see yourself out,” she says jokingly and makes a motion to leave his lap, but he just presses her body closer, dragging her cunt against his cock, which makes her draw out a wanton moan. “ _Ben._ ”

“Sorry,” he exhales a shaky breath. “We really don't have to do anything, Rey, I can just go home. I want to take you out on dates and give you flowers and chocolate and make you watch _The Office_ with me, we don't need—”

This time, it's _her_ that shuts him up with a kiss.

“I want to do all of those things, too,” she tells him breathlessly. “But I also want you to fuck me. Please? I've never wanted anything this badly in my entire life.”

One of her hands darts down to palm him through his trousers.

_“Fuck_ , Rey,” he hisses. “Don’t—don’t say things like that and then touch me like that or I’m gonna cum inside my pants.”

She giggles again, despite herself. And suddenly, she's being pinned under his weight on the mattress, her hands being held up her head, and she feels dazed by the look on his face.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Ben says, leaning in to give her a soft kiss. “Will you tell me if we need to stop? If there’s something I do or say that you don't like? I want this to be perfect for you.”

“Yes, I will,” she promises.

A stricken expression crosses his face. “ _Shit_.”

Frowning, Rey asks, “What’s wrong?”

“I don't have any condoms,” he admits. “I didn't expect—I should’ve put a few in my wallet, dammit.” He shakes her head. “Is there any drug store closer? I can drop by there real quick.”

Rey bites her lip, a blush spreading across her cheeks, afraid of her own desires—she has an IUD and she's never done it without protection, but the thought of him coming inside her makes her warm all over, and the more she thinks about it, the mode she wants to fell _all_ of him. Perhaps it also shows how much she trusts Ben, too, because she would never consider it with anyone else.

“Are you clean?”

His eyes seem to get darker at her question. He swallows thickly and licks his bottom lip before replying, “Yes. I never have sex without a condom and I also get tested regularly.” His hand cradles her face. “But it's been a while I had sex, though.”

“Well, I am clean, too, and I have an IUD, so you don't need—I mean, if you want to go, I can wait—”

He grunts and leans in to claim her mouth in a bruising kiss. “ _Fuck_ , Rey, I can't believe—you're gonna let me fuck you and come in you, _fuck_ —”

His filthy, desperate words seem to resound in her entire body. She blushes deeply. “ _Ben.”_

“What?” He nibbles on her neck. “Do you not like it when I talk dirty to you? Is that it?”

One of his hands snakes between her legs smoothly, and she feels him putting her panties aside to touch her there. It's just a brush of his fingers on her labia and her entrance, but it feels so _good_ she squeezes her eyes shut and whimpers.

“You’re _soaking_ _wet_ ,” he murmurs dazedly, his lips leaving wet kisses on every inch of her face whilst he coats his fingers on her wetness. “I think you like it when I talk dirty to you. Don't you, Rey?”

In a voice she doesn't even recognize as hers anymore, she breathes out, “Yes, _please don't stop_ —”

He prods his knuckle inside her slowly and he hisses. “So _tight, fuck,_ Rey. I’m gonna make you cum on my tongue first. I need to get you ready for my cock, sweetheart. Is that okay?”

She nods fervently.

He withdraws his finger and she whines at the loss.

“Shhh, I got you, baby.”

Ben draws back and starts to undress himself. He unbuckles his belt first and Rey can’t help but gawk at the bulge inside his trousers. It doesn't escape Ben’s notice and an obnoxious smirk tug at his lips.

“You like what you see?”

She scoffs. “Maybe when you _actually_ show me something.”

Ben lets out a hearty chuckle. “Oh, I _will_ show you,” he tells her hoarsely. Opening the buttons of his shirt with quick motions, revealing pale skin and a strong, muscled chest.

She’s overcome with the urge to touch him, to feel his warm, bare skin against hers. In an instant, holding his gaze steady, she lifts herself up and drags the sleeves of her cardigan off over her arms, working the buttons of her shirt open. His glance focuses on her black lace bralette and for a second she feels self-conscious, but she bares herself to him anyway. He seems mesmerized by the sight of her and a flush spreads through her body.  
  
  


Ben leans in, his hands stopping at her midriff—he’s so _big_ it spans her entire waist—only to come up to caress her breasts. He holds one in his palm, his thumb circling the areola, a grunt coming out of his mouth when her nipple tightens into a hard little nub. “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs bashfully, his head coming down to suck a nipple into his mouth. She moans, helpless to the way his tongue works at her nipples and he hums contentedly. “Love how your tits fit right into my mouth.”  
  
  


Rey doesn’t know how much time he spends giving attention to her breasts: he licks and kisses and sucks and it could be _years_ for all she knows, and it feels amazing, lustful moans coming out of her throat, filling the whole room, but there’s a burning inside her that begs to be sated.   
  


“Ben, _please_ ,” she whines, incapable of putting into words what she needs.   
  
  


She needs _more_ , she needs _him_ —   
  
  


When she moves her hands to her skirt, Ben picks up on her impatience, his hands fly to her waist to help her shimmy out of her skirt, tossing the piece of clothing around the room. He travels down her breasts, her sternum and stomach, wet kiss trails that leave goosebumps on her skin. He rushes her out of her panties, dropping a soft kiss on her inner thigh. She reaches down to touch his hair, fulfilling her desire to see if it’s as soft as it looks, and _oh_ the sight of his beautiful, luscious hair between her legs makes her heart beat faster, not even believing it's actually happening until he moves his mouth to where she wants him to. And _oh,_ the first touch of his tongue against her labia makes her arch her back, not used to the sensation. He put a hand on her waist to pin her down, humming against her cunt whilst his tongue circles her clit over and over again. Rey cries out and writhes under him, already feeling so close to the edge—  
  
  


“You taste so good, Rey,” he utters, and Rey chances a glance at him, his chin smeared with her wetness. She groans, pushing her hips towards him in a bid for him to go on, for him to _never stop_. “I could stay right here, eating you out for _hours.”_ He eases a finger into her cunt, curving it slightly, finding a spot deep inside her that makes her _wail_. “I can feel you clenching around me. You’re close, aren't you, sweetheart?”  
  
  


He’s right. She can feel it building deep down her belly, a dam ready to break—  
  
  


At this point, she feels like a broken record, a string of “ _Y_ _es, I’m so close, Ben, please_ —” coming out of her throat, helpless to the sensations he’s giving her.   
  
  


Ben adds another finger, making her feel _impossibly_ full—close to bursting. She wonders how it's going to feel when it’s his cock instead of his fingers. He thrusts at a rough pace, hitting that spot over and over again, and _oh_ —  
  
  


She comes _hard_ , her thighs quaking with the force of her orgasm, her legs closing around Ben’s face. He groans, opening her legs again with a tight grip, not wasting any time to dive into her with his tongue again, licking and licking at her until she whines, overstimulated.   
  
  


Ben pulls away, giving her inner thigh another kiss before getting up slowly. Rey watches him standing in front of her bed, staring at her intensely before opening the zipper of his trousers and dragging it down his sturdy thighs, leaving him wearing only his black boxer-briefs. His cock strains against the fabric. Rey worries her bottom lip between her teeth, glancing at him. By now, her desire for him is obvious, but he asks again anyway. 

“Are you still sure?”

“Yes,” she tells him firmly, not a single grain of hesitation inside her mind.

In a smooth move, he tugs down his boxer-briefs, freeing his cock. Rey shamelessly lets her gaze flicker to the thatch of perfectly groomed dark hair in between his thighs and his thick, flushed red cock, a bead of precum leaking on the tip, pointing towards her. She’s abruptly overrun with the desire to lick his cockhead, to suck him off and feel him unravel on her tongue, for a change. She wants to taste his cum, wants to swallow it down her throat.

Rey rarely felt this kind of urgency in her previous encounters, she's never been so responsive to anyone before him. It bewilders her, how much she's into it, into this, into _him._ It bewilders her, honestly, how fantastic sex can be if she's having it with the right person, with someone she has a deeper, significant connection with.

Rey lifts herself on her knees and starts to crawl towards him, and he looks at her with a frown.

“What are you doing?”

She blushes, not really knowing how to let the words _I want to blow you_ come out of her mouth. Ben settles one of his knees on the bed, the mattress dipping with his weight, and she takes the chance, barely closing her first around his cock, feeling it throb beneath her touch. She likes it all: the velvety feeling of his skin there, the heaviness of his cock in her hand, but most of all, she _loves_ the drawn-out grunt of pleasure that leaves his throat with the barest of touches from her. It goes straight to her head, the dizzying power of having this effect on him. She smears her thumb on the tip of his cock and slowly rubs it on his length, trying to coat wetness around him, and stroking him up and down, checking out the pace and what makes his reactions the most delightful sounds to her ears. 

  
  


Ben stills her hand. “Rey.”

  
  


“Wanna make you feel good, too,” she explains, trying to get out of his hold.

  
He leans down and places a kiss at the corner of her mouth. “You’re amazing. More than that, even, you’re fucking _perfect_. But this will be over soon if you keep touching me like that. And god, Rey, I really want to be inside you. Right now.” His hand circles her left breast, rolling one nipple between his fingers, and he emphasizes, making a face. “ _I_ _mmediately_.”

She laughs at that. With a hand on his chest, she guides him down into a sitting position, helping him to stretch his legs out across the bed before she eagerly straddles him, closing her arms around his neck. “I want to be on top, first. Is that okay?”  
  
  


His hand grips her waist and he kisses her, reassuringly. She still feels her taste on his tongue. “Anything you want, Rey.”

She hums. And looks down at his cock between them, slowly lining its fat head up into her cunt. Even with how wet she is, she gasps at the intrusion.   
  
  


“Jesus _fuck_ , why are you so big, it won’t fit—”

“Of course it will, sweetheart,” he whispers fervently. His lips trail back and down along her collarbones and her breasts, and Rey can feel by the way Ben’s hand grips her waist harder, almost bruising, that he’s struggling to contain himself, to leave her in charge. 

She searches for his mouth, slanting her lips over his, whilst she goes down another inch. And it’s… it's not even all the way in and she already feels so _full_ , and incredible, and _fuck,_ he's perfectly made for her. She's sure of it.

“ _Oh my god_ ,” she mutters against his mouth, stopping for a moment and opening her eyes, finding stunned eyes already staring back at her. 

As if he's telling her without even saying anything at all, _Don’t be afraid, I feel it too._

“Sweetheart, please, I need—”

He doesn't even finish before Rey sinks all the way back down on him and he lets out a strangled noise at the back of his throat. “Holy—”

“ _Ahhh_ , god, I can’t—” she rasps out. She swallows thickly and tries again, “I can't believe it fits,” she laughs, giddy, and he grunts and hides his face into her neck, his arms clinging around her waist.

On the brink of extreme pleasure, she hoists her hips and slides back on his cock again. “ _Oh god. Oh fuck. Ben, oh god—_ ”

“Rey,” he raises his head from her neck and glances at her. He looks completely wrecked, his shoulders tense under the arms wound around his neck. “Please, I need—”

She knows what he needs before he even says it. She nods, rolling her hips against his, moaning out loud, “Yes, yes, Ben, god, please fuck me, fuck me—”

Ben thrusts back roughly against her hips, and Rey lets out a cry. The drag of his cock inside her makes her toes curl, and it’s not long before she feels her thighs beginning to shake. She’s so tightly wound, the pressure inside her building and building, waiting for relief. 

They roll their hips against each other fast and harsh, the lewd noises of skin slapping against skin mixing with the string of obscenities they spew out, her _harder, yes, oh god, there_ and his _Rey, Rey, Rey,_ like her name is a litany.

Her second orgasm of the night is more powerful than the first. It makes her blood rush in her ears and her vision white out. She cries out on his cock, feeling the wet of her cum making everything slicker between them. It makes the drag of his cock inside her even easier, and Ben does as he pleases: uses her pliable body for his pleasure now, lifting her hips just so to slam her back down again. _Hard_. He gets deeper like this, and she starts bouncing on his cock, and _god_ , she's so _close_ again.

She feels his cock twitching inside, and she knows he’s close, too.

“God, Rey, I’m gonna cum,” he warns. “I’m gonna cum inside you, _fuck._ ”

His pace is messy and uncoordinated now, but still so fucking good, hitting all the right places inside Rey. He slips a hand between them and finds her clit, thumbing at the sensitive little bud, coaxing her to another orgasm.

She’s definitely not used to the overwhelming sensations flowing on her body right now.

“Ben, I can’t—” she cries out, already way overstimulated, the thumb working on her clit creating a heady mix of pleasure and pain.

He fills her sweaty temple with soft kisses and says gently, “Just one more for me, please.”

She whimpers, trying to let him guide and use her body like he wants to, and he pushes into her so hard, his thumb still circling on her clit, the pressure _bursts_ again—and she's coming, letting out a wail, and she swears she sees stars under her eyelids, her entire body tingling.

She _feels_ it, too, when Ben’s hips stop and his cock throbs and pulses against her walls, spilling warm spurts deep inside her. She moans at the sensation, clutching at him, whilst he grunts against her neck, and then his lips move hungrily over her throat and her jaw.

They stay in silence for a moment, holding onto each other, labored breaths finally returning to normal.

“Hey,” Ben utters softly.

Rey raises his head from the spot she rested on his neck and gazes at him. She smiles bashfully. “Hey, you.”

“How are you?” he asks. And then, shyly, he adds, “Was it… was it good?”

She scoffs, raises her eyebrows. “You couldn't tell?”

He chuckles. Drifts the sweaty hair off her forehead and kisses her there. “Mmm. Maybe. A few times.”

“Oi, don’t get too cocky on me now.”

“I’ll try,” he replies, amused.

Another moment of silence stretches between them. Rey is getting sleepy, but being held by his warm body is so good, she doesn't want to let go. She bites her lip and asks, “Will you… stay the night?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes, I would like that very much. Please.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” he jokes.

Rey swats his chest. “Behave, or we won't do this again.”

His expression turns serious. “Yes, ma’am.”

Rey giggles and he carefully slips out of her, still holding her close. He lays down on the bed, settling her on top of his chest. She hums contentedly and burrows further against his chest, happy to listen to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. She closes her eyes, ready to doze off at any minute now.

“You know,” she says after a while. “I think I am finally starting to like Halloween.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” she agrees. And then, tentatively, she adds, “I wouldn't mind if we wore couples’ costumes again, next year. This time, without all the misinformation, though. It would be nice, don't you think?”

She can’t even look at his eyes—afraid of putting herself out there and the implication of her words.

But Ben tightens the hold on her waist. And says:

“I would love that, Rey.”

She smiles against his chest. “Good.”

“Good.”

Maybe she's getting ahead of herself—she can’t know for sure if this thing between them will work. Perhaps it will be just like the other times she tried and it didn't work. But the feelings she has for Ben are stronger than anything she's ever felt before, and all the times she thought there was something wrong with her…

All of it means nothing compared to how she feels now, to finally be here with Ben, and be safe and understood and loved in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/foIkIxre)!


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